Saturday, August 16, 2008

Force: Moving on

Force, I think I will call it force today, has a way of its own.

Though, I was aware that it is 16th August I was not trying to remember that it is. The day brings with it the memories of the events which were too big for me to comprehend at the time and even now are. Acceptance comes with time. Nothing affected me in the physical sense of world. I am still on the path I would be had there been a different 16th august or for that matter a different 17th august. Force indeed. I saw the last of them one after another. One is beyond everyone the other is beyond self and me.

The force. For the lack of anything better to do was arranging the documents on my PC. Deleting stuff not required. Moving files to correct folders. I like to organize and re-organize things around me to make it better organized. IPOD and PC are the victims every now and then. It was in this process that I ended up finding the Jan 2006 document and then the document of last 16th august. Force has its way.

Sixteenth august came back flashing. The kind of memories which leave one’s eyes wet. And with 16th of august always come the memories of the next day. I lost two dear things in two days, though it wasn’t very clear to me during that period.

Moving on is always easy if one is not carrying the signs of the loss. Just turn from that moment in time and walk away or just walk with the time. Time is the force. And it has its way of carrying you away. Of course it has its way of reminding you that it still is supreme. And apart from the two families involved nobody carried the loss visibly and also not for long. Friends, relatives, lovers; time makes and changes these at its own convenience.

Generally, I try to stay busy with work during few days which I want to pass quickly. It works mostly. But this time it is a weekend and that too in a far away place with not many people around to offer a distraction. Perhaps tomorrow I will go to Gurdwara here. It will be a good change and surely will help pass the day better. Last night while dancing Indian Independence to the tunes of Indian DJ’s I had forgotten the morrow and the day after.

Like everything and everyday this will also pass. Like every time it does. Time, the force will move on. I will move on as well. With just a memory of something lost. Memory which will stay there but which is fading with every foot step of time. As always I wish I could step back in time. Go back and change things. Alas! Even the force is helpless to its own strength. It only learnt to move forward. It never leant to make friends, to fall in love, to make bonds. The mortal weaknesses. It learnt to be immortal, to keep moving without looking back. I need to learn from it. To keep moving forward.

But I am not immortal. I have a past. And the force can not change it.

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