Advanced Wide Bore 3 Tonne Broadband MRI with Audio Visual Experience. Manufactured by Philips. A white monster. With the press of a button the technician pulls out its tongue. I am ready meat for it - my clothes have been taken (along with a bit of my dignity) and I am in the cotton of the clinic. I am placed on the extended tongue. The technician hands me a switch – in case of emergency - a polite way of him saying if you panic and can’t take ten minutes of this loud claustrophobic experience inside the monster’s belly. Keep your arms on your sides. Don’t move your head. He can see that rest of the body will not be a problem. All his instructions follow the same theme. Stay calm. Stay still.
Stay still. The thing that I failed at. The reason I am here in the first place.
Shivam and Irfan went first, the base, a strong foundation. Vinay the balancer, our mezzanine went next. On Irfan’s strong legs I rose, on Vinay’s steady shoulders I rested. Raman starts her climb, the tricky part of the organ. All I am to do is watch. Stay still. Till Raman is part of us. Part of what we are to be. I am to breath steadily, feel the strength of us, feel the energy of earth rise through the intertwined limbs. And I am to stay steady. Stay still.
She is so happy. The girl opposite us. Her mother claps. The girl claps. I forget the only thing I am required to do. I wave at the girl.
I remember the green of treetops turning to a dust filled sky. I remember few crows dotting that sky. I remember the sound of a thud. I remember a stillness greet me.
The only thing that I was required to do. Since the moment I failed at it, I have been still.